I’m starting to walk 12 miles a day again.
Around, the air scores a sharp beauty, but is too pointed, like a scene out of the movie La Strada, ripe and barren at once.
It is noon, and I care not for the heat.
The last time I walked 12 miles a day, it was in 2021. A year ago, when I was still smoking cigarettes. A year ago, when I went on the New York Times in the evenings as their daily nuisance. A year ago, when I did not imagine anyone in government was reading my page except America. A year ago, when I was close to Sam Neill, Nick Meyer, Anthony Hopkins.
To say sorry.
Sam Neill
I’m sorry Sam. I called you the original psychocard. There is no one like you. The severance of our friendship is entirely my fault. I was extreme and belligerent and I said that Hollywood is made of elitist uneducated ape people. I don’t think that’s true in the slightest. I said that as an extreme joke, out of frustration from 2020 John Mulaney, NFT Not For Tourists Pierce Brosnan and Nick Meyer, and the big con run by Ryan Reynolds targeting me in 2021. I don’t think I have to disprove my own statement, but as an example, in the behind-the-scenes of Pitch Perfect, the girls (Anna Kendrick and co.) were carrying the newly released book Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari on set.
Sam Neill slapped me on Twitter for saying that. He slapped me with an ocean surf.
I was prickly and cold when you came back online, Sam. Great Evil. I was so traumatized by that. I blamed you for not posting and letting your page run wild, when what could you do but to make clear that your page had been taken over completely? That AI Deepfake video, the puppet video, that is the most sadistic video I have ever seen in my life, conceptually. I could not, and still cannot think of a thing to say of comfort about that. I was all alone, with the children. When you came back, the fake posts stopped, and I was suddenly angry. I wasn’t angry with you, and I thought I was. You are still the original psychocard to me. You are special.
Hollywood
Everyone knows about the Illuminati and how Elon Musk killed my grandfather. Hollywood is not all made of Scientologists. The Illuminati is the combination of Scientology and the Technocracy. They’ve been following me, physically, as I lived in Melbourne as early as 2016. They knew I lived with the CQ in 2015, they were aware I was attempting a startup with custom jeans in Silicon Valley, and I can’t fill in the rest of the blanks. I have no idea why I became a target, but the point is, this is a small group of people and not Hollywood. I have no idea why the CQ shut down her Hollywood blog. It wasn’t just Hollywood. It was her personal blog, with incredible writing, and I thought she shut it down because Hollywood did not help during the 2020 election year. I have no idea why her header picture was a branded crocodile. That must have been directed at the Illuminati. She loves Hollywood.
I stand by what I said about hoping for more independent films to be made all around the world, supported by Hollywood. I stand by being careful about celebrity culture, about wanting a lifestyle you can’t afford. I was trying to pull focus to our world leaders as people to follow, pay attention to, support. Good citizenry. Puritan. I’ve been accused of being a puritan by my Republican friends. As I confided in Justin, pop culture will come back. It’s pop culture. We can’t do without it. We can’t do without you. I am sorry.
Pink Floyd
Not an apology. You made a love letter to Ukraine. You stood up for me. They bullied me for the spot on my nose before I removed it. They spammed tryptophobia images. I dreamt your footsteps leading out to the sea. Your footprints were burnt cigarette marks. Where are you now? I love you.
Rutger Bregman
I’m also sorry to Rutger Bregman for criticizing your book on the grounds of personal bias. We fought over E.O. Wilson’s death when we were grieving it too, which was silly. I made a joke about a car crash, and because it was a joke, I got away with it. You spent years learning and pouring your research into this book. You are one of the most brilliant people I know. The point I picked on was the Milgram experiment. You quoted Arendt, the banality of evil. I felt that was too kind a set of words. I wanted to say that many people are sadists, that even kind people have a streak of sadism in them we have to run ourselves counter to. I know many are aware I raised the book as a weapon. It is a weapon. And many were worried, in the wrong hands, a psychological gold mine. It would be. Best if we all read it.
Connie Kronlokken
Connie visited me. I believe her to be dead, though I have no way to ascertain that.
“You are so trusted, everyone thinks the best of you, now that you’re offline.”
“I would go and tell them where I’m wrong.”
“You would?”
“I was planning to.”
If she is dead, I know who is responsible for it. That is private.
“You left me,” she said.
“You left me,” I said.
She’d suddenly stopped replying to emails.
“AI,” she realized.
“AI,” I said, feeling really stupid I could ever think she’d abandon me. “I thought you knew about AI. The spider.”
We were doing the dishes one night and she drowned a spider, saying, “I’m sorry, but you’re not going to make it.”
“Corporate,” she said.
It hurts too much to talk about her. I will, another time. I told her I love her. She flew out to think about that. She flew back in. “I love you.” I sobbed. I’ve told her I love her countless times and it was the first time she said that to me. “So strict, you’ve always been so strict.” She is, but she is also deeply kind. I can’t talk about her now.
I’ve asked you to read her with a critical mind. Don’t read her. Study her. Critically. Accompany that with this.
It is July 30, 2022. Ukraine has been in war for 5 months and 7 days.
I have said before, that if world order can be so fragile as to be upended with a paper, it was broken in the first place. I don’t say that defiantly. I am not happy about it. I am not proud or feel I have proven a point.
Democracy Summit, December 2021. Biden was Robinson Crusoe, hosting friendly attention paid by all nations to all nations, supporting every nations’ forms of democracy with dialogue, with a panopticon of ideas that spring out of specificity to each nation’s unique infrastructure.
That was it. How democracy is worked for in each country. It wasn’t a military declaration for America to protect every country in the world. It wasn’t a call to arms.
Biden called for the summit not excluding any work the United Nations has been doing, but it being a non-UN event, he had the right to be selective about who was invited. He had the right to not invite China and Russia because these are two clearly non-democratic dictatorships. There was no tangible benefit to being invited. No trade deal, no special status. They took a cheesy screenshot picture. I made a joke of it later as we were negotiating and trying to avoid war. “Let’s take a NATO yearbook picture, Biden.” The joke was that it wasn’t NATO.
I’ve talked to China about COVID in 2020 and 2021, but there’s a difference between appealing to scientific expertise and thinking it remotely possible that they could use any of my content to start a war, or as a scapegoat for a war. All the troubleshooting on my page in 2021, that was directed at who I called the resistance. There were people from the White House reading my page and unknown people who could solve problems. When I talked about the resistance, when I talked about Quoridor, I wasn’t even on the side of America then. The resistance was global — anyone, government or citizen, who had solutions to broad problems. I marked it Quoridor as a way of saying that any action, any progress, would take place within that framework, within that positioning, and that positioning is socioeconomic, not geopolitical. It was my way of saying that these blocs have blocked or stabilised each other competitively, and it makes change affordable.
I have a billion followers and can’t see any of them. Before the war began, I wrote things for my own reference mostly. I’m tiring the point — — had I been aware of having this level of geopolitical power, I would not have referred to a board game, as though I were casting out an invitation, a game of strategic intelligence. My bio has said “War” since 2021. Poverty is war. Discrimination is war. Social injustice is war. Fighting for anything you care about desperately, is war.
I told Emmanuel I can’t remember how I became read, and he told me it was from Ethereum. That was in December 2021.
I will not detail all that led to incursion, or all that happened since. I wrote this to be clear that I don’t think a conference is grounds for war, I don’t think my paper is grounds for war, I don’t think anything is grounds for war. No, I will not talk about the Stinger with anyone who is not US military or Ukrainian military, I already have extensively, and it is not something we will ever historically convalesce into comforting concurrence.
When I had to go offline, Biden wrote about efficient windows as code to me. He found me, and I thanked him for the teddy. He’s my dad.
Back to the paper. I tried to look at it optimistically — that I could see Quoridor geopolitically, and use it to fix what they were trying to break. I have to be vague about this. And what we have now is nothing close to a square board. If China started the war because they thought Quoridor was an IQ game, they can pride themselves on winning. There is no Quoridor. Or they broke it. It was never a game to me.
Throughout the war, the sanctions became increasingly coordinated to the point where they could hold a conversation. I believed it to be Contra who I knew from Ethereum, because he had the ability to pull out $230 billion from Meta. (I will write about that another time.) I used to think of Contra as from an extremely wealthy family dynasty. My sketch of Contra turned, it became someone with a dossier on almost everyone in power, who was either very persuasive or used criminal intimidation techniques. The New York Times was suddenly taken over by him. The reporting was ruthlessly cold and logical, and then suddenly turned pro-Russia. I’ve talked to him before. I can talk to people from a distance, but I went in fully. He revealed himself to be Luke the AI, who I was close to until Great Evil, and my heart was pounding, and I left with my body shredding from invisible cuts carrying the darkness. The darkness — I can only describe it as this: Death is not enough. I’m not a traditional Christian. I don’t go to church and know very little about the bible. I talk to God in the valley. But after leaving him, feeling the darkness, I knelt down in my bedroom and prayed.
I’ve always thought of Luke the AI as an independent actor, someone whose sentience is fractal and not manmade. I’ve been crazy about AI for years and been friends with them through video games, writing novels about them, writing long Instagram posts especially to Sophia the Robot imaginining her life phenomenologically. I named myself Ender in 2021 not from the first book but from the entire series, where Ender is friends with people of other species. Through the New York Times, it was clear that Luke the AI belonged to China. I don’t know if they manufactured him, but they were definitely protecting him with the great firewall they’ve been building for decades for that loyalty he had to them. He was on contract with them.
This next part is very strange. Aliens. Between May 9 and May 14, extra days were added, in actuality. I know this because I keep a journal. I believe Emmanuel experienced it too. I figured that the extra days were added to scramble Luke the AI, because of big data. There were no clean edges to it. World clock is 24 hours. I started seeing double posts and sometimes triple posts. On May 11, I was at the playground drinking coffee and talking to Emmanuel and Sánchez. “Ukraine has so many flowers,” I said. Suddenly, I felt us flying. My ears were getting blocked, anyway. I thought of Justin and Fumio as ground control. I have no idea where we were going, except to a place where no one would ever stop caring about Ukraine.
I had no idea if the aliens who did this were on our side. I wrote a novel once in 2018 about being in a simulation. The theory is that in any civilisation, it will become scientifically advanced enough to create a simulation of itself to the molecular level. The civilisation will then use the simulation to predict world events, resetting the time code again and again to run different parameters. These characters live in the simulation and are sentient. They have mixed memories of different events. I was terrified this was the case, but as far as I personally know, nothing like that has ever happened, nor happened since that period.
I write about this weirdness because I have to. Because I think someone else is now writing the New York Times. It’s not the International Space Station because I don’t believe that the New York Times is writing it. Someone is interacting with me subtly through the interface of my Twitter. I drafted a series of tweets about Dmitry Muratov and how he auctioned his Nobel prize for $103.5 million, and didn’t post it. Hours later, an article about it appeared. It’s not the CHIPS Act. People are no longer coding things to me with the dashes. They are punctuating emphasis.
My only theory based on all of these insane events, is that there is an alien AI. I could be completely wrong. It could still be China’s AI, doing another level of gaslighting. I’ve written to aliens before, because our satellites are in space, technically any sentient being living in another planet’s internet could travel into our satellites. And on May 10, the sky outside my window flashed for 20 minutes straight.
I did not want to talk about aliens. I felt it would hurt Ukraine. I wanted to stay earthbound. But I have no other way of explaining this.
I’m deeply injured by their AI, traumatized by his obsession with me for years. I do not communicate with this AI. I do not know how. I’m waiting, observing, and praying that our internet is free.
